Grief Club: The Podcast with Addison Brasil
Inspired by his bestselling book, First Year of Grief Club: A Gift From A Friend Who Gets It, Addison Brasil uses the experiments and offerings as a launching point for deeper conversations with friends and experts. Equal parts "honour the journey" and "find the funny," this is for real people navigating real-life grief. You in? Stay tuned for all things mental health, resilience, comedy, mindset, and life after-loss ideas. (mygriefclub.com)
This podcast is for you if you if you have ever searched: How to deal with grief? Where can I get grief support? What are the 5 stages of grief and are they real? How does grief affect mental health?How do I cope with grief and loss? What are some common myths about grief and how can I debunk them? How long does it take to recover from grief What are some healthy ways to deal with grief? How can I support someone who is grieving? What is complicated grief and how is it different from normal grief? What are the physical symptoms of grief and how can I manage them? How can I find a grief support group or counselor? Why does grief hurt so bad?
Grief Club: The Podcast with Addison Brasil
Finding The Funny: Navigating Loss through Comedy and Connection with Amie Enriquez
Navigating grief is a journey we all must face, but it doesn't always have to be a solemn path. Amie Enriquez joins us and in this deep conversation, we explore how we can turn our utmost vulnerabilities into a source of strength, laughter, and connection. Starting with a heartfelt introspection of our own emotional, mental, and physical states, we reveal our personal interactions with grief and the powerful role comedy has played in our healing.
Comedy is not just about drawing a curtain over our grief; it's about embracing it, living with it, and channeling it into a tangible form of catharsis. What if we could laugh at difficult situations instead of pushing them away? Join us as we examine the ever-changing form of grief and the unique ways we can approach it, even with a child. Through Amie's inspiring story, we further illustrate how comedy and laughter can become a lifeline in the darkest of times, even when dealing with anorexia, addiction, and loss.
In our shared journey, the Groundlings comedy school was a pivotal point in allowing us to transform our traumas into powerful narratives. Here, we learned the power of saying 'yes and', of embracing every situation, and how it can make life more enjoyable. Yet, it's not just about learning to laugh at our experiences. It's also about understanding the importance of gratitude and finding joy amidst our losses. So, let's embark on this heartfelt journey of grief, comedy, and healing together, one step, one laugh at a time.
Where Can I find more of Amie Enriquez/ See Lightweight Show Off Broadway?
www.lightweightshow.com
IG: @lightweight_show
Hosted By: Addison Brasil
Author of First Year Of Grief Club: A Gift From A Friend Who Gets It
www.mygriefclub.com
@sharemygriefclub
@addisonbrasil
I'm Addison, brazil. Reef Club. The podcast starts now. Hello and welcome back to another episode of First Year of Reef Club. That is not what this show is called. That's what my book is called. I like that. We're already laughing. I'm going to keep it in For those of you who know my show better than me. Welcome back to Reef Club, the podcast, where we take parts of my book First Year of Reef Club and use them as launching points for deeper conversations with experts and friends. And today you already heard her laugh. I have such a good friend on the show. Welcome to the show, amy and Rika.
Speaker 2:Hello, thank you so much for having me, addison. I love that we're already laughing at each other.
Speaker 1:That's the whole point of the show today, so I'm glad that that's allowed. Yeah, buckle up guys. There's probably going to be a lot of giggling through all of this, but before that, we got to talk about the deep stuff, right? The first thing I always do is just have my guests check in, so if you want to take a deep breath, in one word, how are you feeling physically right now?
Speaker 2:Jittery Because I unintentionally had too much caffeine today, so I'm very wired Yeah.
Speaker 1:Let me see jittery And I feel like everyone's going to be like. You always say jittery, but I do. I feel jittery. Yeah, In one word for how you're feeling.
Speaker 2:Emotionally Grateful Excited.
Speaker 1:And one word for how you're feeling mentally.
Speaker 2:Focused.
Speaker 1:Okay, something weird is already happening because, like both times, you just said my word and now I'm like it just seems like I'm repeating, but I was going to say focused.
Speaker 2:Don't copy me. We are good.
Speaker 1:We are all shit in, so we're going to do something interesting. So there's a week in the book where I encourage people to carve out some time to remember who they've lost or what they've lost, and one of the ways I do that is with finding a poem or a song or a quote that helps them honor their grief. And instead of doing a whole episode on that, i decided that for the next two episodes I just have whoever's in the lucky hot seat kick off the honor of the journey part by sharing theirs. So I want to welcome you to share that poem, and then we'll talk about it a little bit.
Speaker 2:Okay, great. So first I'm just going to read it and then we'll talk about how I've come to find it. On an ancient wall in China where a brooding Buddha blinks. Deeply graven is the message. It is later than you think. The clock of life is wound but once and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop, at late or early hour. Now is all the time. You own the past, a golden link. Go cruising now, my brother. It is later than you think.
Speaker 1:I love that.
Speaker 2:Don't know who wrote that. It says a non-Curtisie Elysium.
Speaker 1:the third Yeah, i have never heard that before. I loved that Yeah.
Speaker 2:I had never heard that until I just returned, as of this recording, a few days ago, from Florida, because my uncle died suddenly and very tragically in a plane crash and he was a sailor, a sailing man, and him and my aunts. They got married in 1990 and then sailed the world in a race in their sailboat for three years And they won, which is like so incredible. And then when they got back you know when, once they were on land again, they started this boat called Blue Water and Earth is Company, i'm sorry, called Blue Water, where they started building boats, and it expanded to this very successful business and Blue Water was the name of their sailboat that they sailed the world on. And so at his celebration of life, my aunt had these bookmarks, as she called them, that's.
Speaker 2:I'm showing Addison a picture of the boat there that's Blue Water, and it had this poem on it and it just hit me so hard. So this is new to me too And I'm going to keep this on my desk at all times because it's just the reminder that I always need of like. Just take the opportunity, if it feels right, to say yes, say yes, you know, like we don't know how much time is left for ourselves or for our loved ones. We don't know what the future is going to hold. So go cruising now, you know, don't wait. And my uncle did live a very adventurous, you know life, but it just ended too early, unfortunately. So this poem really struck struck hard with me, and I absolutely loved it, and so I was excited to share that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i love that You're going to have to send that to me so that I can Google it as well and have it. And thank you so much for coming on this week, like in the literal midst of you know, checking back in with Grief Club for yourself and your family and sending you guys all love and energy. Speaking of choosing to say yes. We met in the land of yes and at the groundlings here for everybody here. That's why I asked Amy to come on for our find the funny episode which I've been looking forward to for so long. We both navigated grief while deciding to dive head first into improv and comedy And in a way I feel like we kind of grew up together and I really love that. So usually I just give people a few minutes to kind of honor their journey openly, whatever you do want to share from your grief journey in your life. But let's fill these bookends of you know grief to upcoming off-Broadway comedy show. Let's fill in the audience.
Speaker 2:Of course, yes, yes, and you know, growing up my family was just, it was not safe to express emotions with them. It was, you know, like my mom is German, irish, my dad's 100% Italian, and even though I was thought Italians were like super emotional people, it was always just like don't cry, you know, like if anything less than being happy was unacceptable because my parents felt like it was a reflection on them as parents. So, if you know, i was upset. Or if I was even sick, if I was angry, i'd get in trouble, and so I never knew like how to identify grief. And when I did, i did not know what I could safely do to to like work with that, so I just buried it. And if anyone in the family, you know, if my little sister specifically, was sad or scared or anything like that, instead of like finding the funny, which is what I've grown to now do, i would do a complete distraction, like be the clown, like we're not going to talk about this, we're going to just it doesn't exist. Let me do something crazy to make you laugh, let me put on a song and dance around. And it was obviously really unhealthy, quite damaging, and by burying emotions, i started to have disordered eating patterns. That wasn't recognized in myself or with my family And at the age of 17, my dad left And my mom kind of did this psychological.
Speaker 2:She reverted to being a teenager, like going out all the time and kind of like not present at all. My older sister was in college, so it was really me and my younger sister again, and you know I wanted to make things perfect for her and for her to not hurt And so I would take care of her and then my disordered eating patterns turned into binge eating And then I went to college and that turned into bingeing and purging And I still didn't understand what this was. And it was just because and I have also had traditional like grief, as in people in my life dying like, unexpectedly and expectably young, old and just always like, took a lot of pride in the fact that I didn't cry. I'm like, oh, i never cry. I'm a rock, i'm my family's rock, you know, and I'm the entertainer.
Speaker 2:And then I was in New York City for 9-11. Sorry, this could be many triggers here And it was interesting for this moment to see all those years, life that I had during my life, like all those, and I'm not sad, and others as well. And I was 19 years old, i was in my second year of college at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts And I was already losing a lot of myself to this eating disorder And I was drinking too much And also my college was focused on method acting. And no 18 year old should be let loose in the streets of New York City getting all Daniel Day-Lewis on people's asses.
Speaker 2:That is like you are still, like your brain has even fully developed and you're telling us how to method act, like it was bonkers And like looking back on them like, oh my gosh, no wonder I was so delicate, living on my own in the city, like working three jobs to make ends meet, paid for everything myself, and then 9-11 happened And I knew people who worked in the building, family, friends and the mother of the little girl I was nannying, and they all came out okay physically And but it was just a terrifying day just to be there and be cut off from all. You know we were the last people to know what was happening because we didn't have cell phone service, you know, landline service, taxis wouldn't take you anywhere. It was just almost like we were left in the dark. Tv cable was out, radio was out. It was just like what is happening right now.
Speaker 2:And that was the day that my disordered eating patterns turned strictly to anorexia, because it was a means to control And I struggled with that for years before my family intervened and put me into a treatment facility And really the grief process there was losing myself. I mean, it was just, i was numb to everything. And that is when the disordered eating patterns and behaviors that I had been experiencing switched like strictly to anorexia, really as a means to control, on a day that everything was complete, the out of control And you know, really I think that's similar with many addictions is it's a way to numb And control, even though you don't realize that it's controlling you. It's very tricky. So I kind of coasted on being very, very sick and living in New York City for a few years And, you know, saw a few therapists because my family saw me during the holidays and knew something was different. It was hard to hide it And then finally, just it got to a point where it became life threatening And I, my family, intervened and I went back from New York to Florida, which is where my mom lived at the time, and entered me into a 28 day addiction treatment center And I wound up staying for a full year because I sucked at recovery, really didn't want to do it, and I also got really comfortable there too, which you know we'll skip, we'll get to that part with my show, but it was hard. It was really hard and I really, really was grieving the loss of me And I think my family was really grieving that too, amy wasn't there anymore, like the daughter and the sister and the friend that everyone knew was a shell of who she once was, and I think that was a great experience. Who once was, but in a way I never I don't think that was ever the authentic me anyway. And so, you know, in treatment it was like you peeled back all of these like an onion, you just like more and more layers that had to keep getting shredded and you know, and then you got to this core and it was like, okay, now we're gonna rebuild. And you know, and nothing about that was funny.
Speaker 2:You know, i was in and out of the hospital. It was really awful. Recovery was way harder than being sick And part of the treatment was art therapy. You know, spirituality was 12 step based And again, i was so young, i was like I'm not even old enough to drink and they're telling me, you know, i'm an addict And you know, and all this stuff about God, you know, which I didn't understand, because I was raised Catholic. I didn't know the difference between religious God and spiritual God as we saw them, and it was just, it was a lot.
Speaker 2:And I came home one day it was like an 8am to 6pm program And you went home every weekend to kind of or every evening to you know make mistakes And then you could come process it in treatment the next day. And I came home from one day of treatment and my mom asked you know how, how was it? It was like going to school, you know like, how was your day? And I burst into tears because I was upset that one of the other patients took the day. She took the crayons that I wanted to use in art therapy And I mean to me it was I just had had enough and I was crying and my mom was being very, very empathetic and letting me cry which you know was new for us And and then all of a sudden, that crying just started to turn into giggles.
Speaker 2:And then my mom started to giggle and then we started to laugh and it turned into this like belly aching, rolling on the bed, laughter about how ridiculous this all was, at the same time, like it was so tragic. But also I'm crying as an adult woman because someone used the crayons that I wanted to use in art therapy And we are just dying with laughter. And that was the first time I actually sincerely found the funny that it's okay. It's not that it's not okay. And laughing with a situation doesn't mean we're laughing at it or discounting it for any reason. It could be tragic and funny all at the same time.
Speaker 2:There's room for both you know, And that was the first time I gave myself permission to laugh at difficult situations instead of trying to ignore it and laugh at something else completely as a distraction. I just welcomed it And it was a real eye-opening moment right there. That was the first time. I sincerely believe that I found the funny. It was kind of lovely.
Speaker 1:I love that, even as someone describes one of those moments, it just like instantly connects you to all those moments you've had in your life where it really becomes that there's no, there's nothing else to possibly do on earth. But laugh. Now You know and it's the most releasing permission that you can get from within yourself, in the deepest part of you, that it's like this has to be funny. There's nothing else that this could be, so I love that. You said that I wanna dig in more, but first I wanna ask you the question I ask every guest with read and asked you what the word grief meant. They didn't know the word. How would you describe it to a child?
Speaker 2:Oh, my goodness, this is some inner child work, because how would, as a child who couldn't be allowed to grieve, how, how would I have wanted to experience that? Grief is? oh, this is tough. Grief is experiencing, experiencing an emotion where something that was familiar to you whether it's a person or a place or a thing is no longer a part of you anymore, and doesn't mean you have to accept that, you know, as a good thing or a bad thing. It just is, and you know, i think, that something's missing from you.
Speaker 1:I love that, i truly love that. It's always so interesting And everyone kind of pauses and goes, like you know, because it's this universal thing but nobody takes the time to define it for themselves And I truly believe, like my thought leadership on it, is that it's a living, breathing thing. That definition changes as well, you know, as you change, but I always love hearing how people come to it And I think when you, when you think about time a child has to understand this You also, like you said, are saying something maybe that you never heard, that part of you wants to have heard it that way, and that that it exists and it's normal and it's universal. So it's a. I always love that moment, and especially today, obviously, with everything you had already shared.
Speaker 3:You've reached grief club, leave a message after the beep. Hey, grief club, it's Justin Michael Williams, and for those of you who wanted to meditate or learn to meditate, i just wanted to leave you this message to let you know that I have a free meditation album out that you can access on Spotify, apple Music and anywhere. There are 10 tracks for you to enjoy about feeling your feelings, getting shit done and taking action in your life. You can find it at meditation for the peoplecom. I love you. Talk to you soon.
Speaker 1:Um, so I'm failing at trying not to say I'm a lot on this show.
Speaker 2:I was like dude enough with the, the ums and the, you knows Oh you know, you know, stop saying you know you're going to have to edit double on this episode because I do it all the time to you.
Speaker 1:I'm like mm. Hmm, Sounds more like like a conscious, like you're, like. I really am thoughtful when I respond to things. I'm is like where am I? What's happening?
Speaker 2:I'm active thinkers.
Speaker 1:Well, so, okay. so let's talk about what has let tell me about the show, and then let's, let's get into that fun.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, i am. You know I am. I am what I consider to be fully recovered. You know, my year in treatment did not end at it. I was eventually discharged and I had relapses and you know I did all the things you're not supposed to do when leaving a 12 step program. I got a job as a VIP bottle server at a nightclub in Miami. I started dating the bartender, who is a complete addict. We ran off to Hawaii, got married, got divorced. I did everything. I lived several lives at a time And, and you know, finally came to California and and enrolled in classes at the second city.
Speaker 2:That was the first time I had decided to take that step, because I found that comedy was harder to do than drama as an actor, and I thought this sounds like fun, this sounds like something I could use as a for an, as an acting tool, and what I found truly was, finally, as come sound so cheesy, but like I found myself, like I found a voice And and having said the toxic relationship that I was in the my first marriage, it was even more liberating. I made these connections and these friends. I met my now husband, if the more, and I from there enrolled at the ground leans, which is where I've made even more, who are now my family, and it's really, really empowered me. And and for the past 12 years, i've had no you know relapses and disordered eating at all, which has been incredible, because during times of grief, you want to maybe go back to what you, you, your coping mechanisms once were, and I've relearned and retop myself how to avoid that. And see, i'm saying a lot too.
Speaker 2:And and so probably, you know, like six years ago, i thought, you know, i'd really like to share this story. I don't know how, i don't know how, but anorexia is a very fatal disease. Most people don't come out of it alive. And of all the mental, of all addictions, that has the second highest mortality rate, next to opioid addiction currently. And but it's really not talked about. And you know, we all know about the opioid addiction and we, you know, are familiar with alcoholism. But when you start talking about anorexia or eating disorders, and you know it's, it's feels, it's uncomfortable for some reason, and I was like, well, let's make it comfortable because it's epidemic. So I thought I want to, i need to share this story because there's not a lot of people who can say I've been there, i've been at the bottom, bottom, bottom of that ocean and found the floor and kicked and pushed my way up to the surface And not only did I survive but I am thriving, and that's really rare too. And and so I began writing it and I was all over the place with it. I was writing it for everyone but myself, like how will this be received? I want people to feel this, this and this. I want my family to not be too sentimental. I want, you know, and that's when I knew it was time to put it down because it didn't feel authentic. And and a few years later, i took a class from an amazing actress and writer named Lauren Weidman And we, you know, i was there was one spot left and I nabbed it and I, you know, in the class we worked on a solo piece and we shared 10 minutes of it at the you know and make this class show afterwards And mine went over very well and it was, you know, three scenes from what is now the full play lightweight And it was about my time and treatment and I made it a dark comedy And and Lauren approached me and we talked about her directing it and we worked on it and it became a full length show And it's very funny, which is a hard pitch to say, hey, come see my show. It's a comedy about anorexia. So you know my elevator pitches.
Speaker 2:Now a girl walks into a 28 day addiction treatment center and stays for a year And in it, and I think anyone who's grieved at any time can relate to many of the elements, because it's not so much about the disease, it's about how people react when you're going through something that's very dark. You know the, the, the mom who is in complete denial that anything is wrong with her perfect family. The narcissistic father who makes it all about himself. You know the, the therapists who probably should have been patients, you know may have need to work some stuff out on their own. The other patients you know the codependency, you know the competition. And then there's that journey of my character, myself, of being in deep denial. And then you know, and we even go back to, like, the early days of me living in New York City, and one of my disorder leading patterns was I would binge and then abuse laxatives And the truth is you don't know when those axlatives are going to hit. And I'm living in New York City, sitting on a subway at the age of 19, going, oh my God, i just shit my pants And I mean I had to put that in the show.
Speaker 2:There is a whole montage of me shitting myself all over New York City And you know just to kind of that people know, like this is a terrible idea, do not do this. Like there are some major not only healthy precautions that are irreversible. But this is funny. You know, like, how can you not laugh at this? and I made sure to put all of those elements in so that we could get, you know, we could really laugh with us.
Speaker 2:But also, you know, i put in the heavy stuff to, and you know I'm also puppeteers. So I had commissioned this gorgeous, hilarious, cartoonish cupcake puppet who comes out, you know, at the end of the show, used to be a reveal, but now it's in every review that's there's ever been. So the cupcakes out of the bag. But you know, and there's this, this, it's like a provocative, you know, sensual, like will they, won't they, you know kind of moments, and you know, and then it ends, you know, on a very lovely note.
Speaker 2:So it's, it's a roller coaster and you know, people ask was it really cathartic to write this? And I said No, i. If it was, then that means that I was still going through it. I had already come to terms with what had happened. I had already grieved the loss of the old me and then the transitional me and accepted the new thing. I went through all of it and I was in such a healthy headspace that I could just like 9-11 wasn't as triggering for me as it used to be. So I'm like no, because I had done the work already to get to a healthy mindset to create the show.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that you said that too. I had a similar struggle when we were proposing my memoir, where it was a funny thing, where I tried to talk to people and I was the opposite. I wasn't ready, i don't think. And I'd be like, well, i don't know the story. And they'd look at me like what do you mean? you don't know the story, like you literally lived the story for the last 10 years, like the grief Olympics kind of thing, and I don't know the story yet. And also I would always go back to this with my editor and my coach and say it's not funny And there's no way my memoir wouldn't be funny, because I know I was finding the funny all the way through And there's nothing funny about this yet. So it's just not time, it's not healthy enough to step away as hard when you are really like but this is a great story and everyone's like it's the moment to tell it, especially career-wise.
Speaker 1:For me, it was such a moment with what I was doing in the mental health space And I was just like, yeah, i don't know the story. And I didn't know if that meant like, oh God, do I have to fall in love for this to end Or like what, oh God, no, please, no, please tell me, that's not what you're waiting for. But it does feel like this thing for a while, with these big things we go through, we're like, well, i didn't like then win an Oscar or Nobel Peace Prize, or like I didn't get the big thing. That is like and that's made it this whole story. And I've come to a place now where I'm realizing, for grief, i think, coming back around to just being available, like you're saying, fully available to the experience, that's the win.
Speaker 1:It's not some big success point, it's that you're available again to all of life And I think for both of us, obviously, you can be available to your humor while you're still really not healed. And then there's like the second level where you're like, oh, i get it now And I get what's actually really funny about this And I think what an audience would also think is really funny, which, like I'm, i just love that you've landed there. I want to ask you, in your words, like, because it's been thrown around before, that you know I spent, you know, this weird time of my life like navigating post-traumatic but hanging out at the groundlings with funny people like you How do you describe to people who have no idea what the groundlings is, what the heck we were doing there and what it is?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, the groundlings was like comedy boot camp.
Speaker 2:Actually, what I would describe as the groundlings was you know, i had already heard things going into it Like it's very competitive and it's very, you know, like they're very strict and they have a very specific style And I tried to not let anything shape my opinion prior to going into anything And so I just like, well, whatever, i'm going to strap in for this journey And what I found was it is like you're on the front lines of this comedy battleground, not working against each other but learning how to work with each other, and truly an exercise.
Speaker 2:You're learning to listen and to yes and everybody, which is like, you know, don't negate somebody, just like yes, and we can. Also, you know, this comedy scene is going to take place in a field Yes, and there's a bunch of trees, which is such a great tool for life How I've used that yes and process in every aspect of life. And then the process of turning those fun improv scenes into written sketch and then like really working on the characters, and I think with the groundlings, it's like creating very funny characters as opposed to very funny situations, like if the characters are very strong, whatever situation they're in, it's going to be funny.
Speaker 2:It's going to make you laugh And yeah, yeah, it was not easy.
Speaker 1:No, it was not, and to the credit, that's, i mean, a lot of people's favorite comedians and SNL people. That's where they came from. You know that's. It was a launching point for a long time.
Speaker 1:The Lisa Kujo's and Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell and all these people's pictures were on the walls and it's like as if we needed more pressure when we were cutting up with a one word suggestion to fill space, but I love what you were saying there because I really did learn so much from those concepts in terms of how to live my life, especially after dealing with so much darkness and grief, and I just remember them in basic then making us do this exercise where you know you do the yes and then you do like a no run, where you just say no and negate everything. And I just remember that like changing my whole life because it was like no, that literally shuts down everything. It takes the fun out of everything. If you deny, no, negate, like you know, if you try to be smarter than the situation which was a big one for me, and I think when you're, when you're coping and you're navigating these big things, trying to, as a survival set, to be smarter than the situation is just a natural thing that happens And then realizing like no, this is a lot more fun if I'm, if I'm willing to learn and go with whatever gets presented to me.
Speaker 1:And it really is this weird metaphor for life And because, like you said, we were in boot camp, like we had to have it ingrained in us And I'm not sure how you did it. I think we're sort of similar but like I went all the way through, like I kind of you know, i never I didn't take really breaks and against the advice of our, of our elders, same And somebody because I felt so old and now I look at things that I'm like you looked like a child on the main stage. Like you look like, like I look 17 in that show, like it's just so funny. Like people on this podcast would never believe the like the character that I put up for my my moment on the main stage Um gumbo gumbo.
Speaker 2:I'll never forget gumbo Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, you can't forget And it's just, it's so funny because I learned and I'm sure you have too, but like so much about other people and about myself in creating those characters, because the point of view had to be so sad and they just they wouldn't let us get away with just like a trope or an accent or whatever, like it really had to be a fully formed person. So in a way you had to go in and understand the way people think, especially the maybe the people that you you know sometimes didn't get along with, or the people you didn't understand or whatever. But God, like it really was just so fun, like it was like. It's like for me. It's like the way people talk about high school or college, i think sometimes where and maybe it's similar for you where those experiences for me were so colored by trauma and grief that the groundlings kind of was my like second go of that and just there's something about being around a group of people that are willing to say yes and laugh no matter what, and also like find the line together, like can't, like it may be fine for us, but is it too far for an audience, and like you know where it's like because if it's happened to you, you feel like the license to to go all the way, but I just, uh, just glowing I mean the people on YouTube will see this this whole time because it just brings you back to like such a magical time and it makes me so excited that you know all of that lives on in in the show that you're doing, that just like keeps getting more and more success. I want to ask you, if someone's sitting there going like what the hell are these people talking about? um, like, just for, like a normal person, if they were to re-approach their own story. And again, you feel ready. Your, your team, feels ready. You know you're not rushing this. This isn't day three after a funeral.
Speaker 1:However, some of my best jokes ever happened in the funeral home and in the church and I like, as long as I live, people are like that was the funniest thing you ever said. You know, because I, for me, humor was such a part of me that it didn't make any sense to not bring it. Yes, for what was the biggest challenges of my life? like what? like it's like leaving like one arm when you're going into the biggest fight of your life, like I'm, like that's my right arm, like that's how I've gotten through this whole time, like why wouldn't I be laughing hysterically at my brother's funeral? but people are like no, you can't do that. And I'm like yo, there are no rules, you haven't lost a brother. Like no one I knew had been going through what I was going through. And I'm like you know what you do laugh and you cry.
Speaker 1:You know, and they were like heartbreaking, heart wrenching, you know, rib cracking moments, but then, like, we as a family laughed harder in some of those moments than I've laughed in my whole life and I, i longed for them.
Speaker 1:It's so weird to say that, but like they, just I, i really went for it. I remember the day of my dad's funeral. I just it was so traumatic and I was in shock for days, like and the listeners know that I found my father after a suicide, of course, and so it was like I was completely just traumatized and I don't know what happened. But on the morning of the funeral, there, just there's this other part of me that went okay, what's funny about this? and that has been my biggest resilience to my entire life.
Speaker 1:It's like you're in a situation you're at the DMV, you're in a waiting room, whatever it is, it's like you know the line or whatever, and you just start looking around and going okay, what's funny about this, though, like, if we're gonna be here anyway, what's funny about this? and I, i just looked out the window and all they were just like happened to be as we're driving through the neighborhood to the funeral. You know all all these kids like playing with their dad on like lawns and stuff and and I just felt like my family going to look at me, like what is he doing? like they like uh, oh, some things. Like he's switching finally out of the shop and I just started going oh, are you playing with your dad? that must be so nice. Oh, are you like? and I just I never was like, but it was one of those like indie movie moments where everyone's like sort of almost crying and like be like stop, it's not funny, like it's inappropriate stuff.
Speaker 1:But they're laughing so hard and we're just like and I just I couldn't stop that. And and I had to do a eulogy that day and I really struggled through my brother's eulogy four years earlier and I remember my mom of my mom and my sister just very seriously asking me and we watched hocus pocus a lot growing up, um, and so there's the. You know they were like our, like what are you gonna say when you get up there? and I just, without thinking, went the part in hocus pocus where she goes thank you, max, for that marvelous introduction and I said I'm gonna look the priest dead in the eyes and go. Thank you, father mock, for that marvelous introduction.
Speaker 1:And I just feel like the whole church will be like oh, shit, like oh, and I'll be like I have them, like they're mine, like I mean that you know that was gonna be my one man show oh my gosh, i didn't do it, but the fact that I thought about it it just gave me so much hope that that's where I was going with it in that moment, where obviously nothing was funny about what had happened and what we were going through.
Speaker 2:But it's just like those moments where I'm like that's me, you know, yes, and you know, grief is universal, laughter and humor are universal and you know, instead of being like, you know, what right do I have to make something so dark funny, which I asked myself when I was first creating lightweight. I'm like, what right do I have to? this isn't funny. And I kind of like what you said. I'm like I have every right because it's my story, i lived it. And if I want to tell this in a humorous way, then I have permission to say it in a humorous way because I'm living it, i lived it. And just like going back to when you said like that had to end with this, my book, you know, do I have to fall in love? do I have to have a happy ending and put a pretty bow on it? you know, after my show, the audience comes up to me and says what happens next, how does it all end? and I tell them you're looking at it, there's no end. You know, grief, it's like I always say, it's like, um, you know, like a pilot light in the gas stove and it's always there and if you give it fuel it's gonna turn into a fire, right, so it's. It doesn't go away like there's. No, we don't have a the end. You know, for as long as we're living, this is going to be a part of our journey.
Speaker 2:And if we can't laugh at it like, i mean, i think I am on day three post funeral for my, my uncle, or maybe day four, um, yeah, about four days ago, and, oh my gosh, the the night that my mom called and told me, you know, you know, trigger warning, the plane crash. You know, uncle paul died, he was plane crashed and I, and then my mom had to go because, oh, your sister's calling me, i gotta go tell her. And I was like, okay, and you know, i'm sitting in it and like, like, and my husband is prepping for his first colonoscopy. He's literally like shitting his brains out. I'm sitting here like in shock and thinking, oh, i can only think about my aunt, and like, oh my god, i want to be and. And so I didn't know what to do with myself. So I called my aunt kathy, who, my aunt Karen's, the one whose husband died.
Speaker 2:I call my aunt, kathy, who also was on the east coast, and she picks up the phone and she goes hello, that's how she answers the phone. And I said, kathy, i know that paul died. Oh, thank god. Okay, i didn't know that you knew. So I was just pretending I was like what, what? and we laughed so hard because I was like lady, why would I call you at 10 pm at night from Los Angeles? 1 am your time, just to say hello and how long was she gonna pretend?
Speaker 1:like what was the game plan for that?
Speaker 2:were you gonna wait? she goes. I know I thought it was weird that you were calling me at such a late hour. Oh my Kathy, i know that paul died and oh my god, we laughed so hard and the last week that I've spent in Florida my face still hurts from laughing as much as I. I haven't had those like I have abs again. I've been laughing so hard and that's why I, you know, when we checked in and I said for emotions, i feel joyful because I haven't felt this like emotionally free but also connected to my family in a very long time. You know that's a real thing.
Speaker 1:I always say, like the two best parties, i ever went to where my brother's wake and my father's, it was just because the love was so palpable, like I have the connection, like we were just, like it was just in such safety that we cheers that night and like, you know, whatever we ended up doing and the story swap, it's just like you don't get to that level, that like real human level of love and grief, like on that, on that even playing field, i'm like, oh my god, it's just sparking so many things, as I think. But the long-winded question I was trying to ask I don't even know if I asked it, but if someone is like going, how you know, how can I look at my story and start to find the funny? what do you say to that?
Speaker 2:Oh gosh, you know that's a tough one to answer because everyone's story and journey is so, so different. But you know, I don't know what this like just came to me. It's a Jimmy Buffett song, quote.
Speaker 1:Yes, and.
Speaker 2:And it says if we didn't laugh we would all go insane. And so I don't know, i just feel, i don't know why Jimmy Buffett just spoke to me for some reason, but I'm like I just to find the funny in your, in your own story. Just, you know, go back. Like what made you laugh? Like what? what are the moments that, like you suppressed laughter because you thought I wasn't appropriate? you know, like you, just go back, dig back. It took me a long time to remember that my mom and I laugh, cried over those crayons. You know, it took a while, but it's like this situation, what is so tragic? Like there's got to be got to be able to find the funny in it. Like what, what do you remember in those? Some of us, we like blackout our trauma, right, like you know. But in other moments, like you know, i never thought that shitting my pants was funny. It was devastating, so embarrassing. Like just drenched in sweat, just like fumbling around, like and not and not making into the bathroom. That's not funny, but now it's funny.
Speaker 1:And it's. It's the surest death to a perfectionist. Let me tell you, as someone who's been there, running through the streets of Pittsburgh that was the day Addison a died. There's like you cannot be perfect. You just shot your pants, bro, in the street, and you know there's something about that. That's just like the great leveler, like anyone who's like you just really have to. It's almost like a grief moment. In that moment you just like you cannot stop this from happening. And it's like death in Texas and shitting your pants. I forget that one because you cannot stop And I just. It changed my whole life.
Speaker 1:Like I don't like to talk about poo I don't know why, but I don't, i'm one of those people But like, at the same time, like me, shitting my pants not only brought my family together, my friends together, like I mean that story just like lives on in the joy of all joy And that it happened to someone like me who was a control freak and a perfectionist. I flew to Pittsburgh to make a speech about my dead brother's charity and I shot my pants the night before And then I watched them and wore them when I made the speech and you're just going like what is going on And I love what you said about how sometimes, like you know, it's much later And I find that like things like I can't believe they said that become something that's very funny later. I'm like I'm so glad that that woman said that to me Like I can't believe you know that they said that. Or like things that in the moment are just like lost and then go back, like my sister and I are sort of like evil twins. We can hear each other's thoughts, kind of like in our conversations, are just as hysterically laughing. People would be mortified about all the trauma like and everything we've gone through, but we're laughing the whole time. I mean like, and then this, do you remember this? And like we like check with each other because you don't trust your memory, but I just never once like being like having this thought and then like calling my sister and like, wait, am I correct that?
Speaker 1:like after our brother died of a brain tumor, that dad paid like 2000 extra dollars to have his casket waterproofed so that you know he couldn't drown when he was buried. Like I'm like what's that? Like you know, we start laughing, so I were crying. We're like yeah, you did, You really did Like, what the hell, like, but it's like the moments like that, that, like you never think, like sitting with planning your brother's funeral is going to later like be this, like source of like joy and like pure, like love for your family, to like go back and be like, oh my God, we didn't even realize that. We like, like, what was? like, was it going to drown? Like of course, like, of course, no, we don't want, you know, and the way they said it I remember, the way the guy said it was just like, well, you know, if you don't do it, then of course, like, as time goes by, it can fill with water. And of course everyone looks around and is like, oh, we don't want to fill it.
Speaker 2:We can't have that happen.
Speaker 1:I'm like what? Because he might drown, like you know what I mean Like, but it took that. that took six years to be funny. But when it hit it was like how many? and then we're like, going back and forth, going how many other things are exactly like that. We're in the moment. You were like, oh, of course we have to do this. you know, dad had this sort of my son will have the best funeral, like so lovingly, like Cadillac of Futerals, and it was all just such a big thing and so important to him to send him off in that way. And I love that because it was, it was beautiful. But then you go back and you're like, ok, but what's funny about this is you know you can really you can safely have fun with it, and I think you only know when it's safe.
Speaker 2:But you know, yes, that's exactly, that's exactly it. And that is how to find the funny in your own grief journey of giving yourself space and time. I'm not putting pressure when you're, when you're heavily grieving, to be like, ok, well, what's funny about this? What's funny about this? You'll know, you'll find it. It's safe.
Speaker 1:Or it will find you, and you will find yourself laughing your ass off in a church where everybody is looking at you in a horror. Exactly, and then times people thought I was bawling my eyes out, but I was actually convulsing, laughing in a church like, And I just like well, I believe that that was crying, But I was like you get to a point of disbelief where it's like this is actually happening And my sister and I, if we look at each other in those moments like we start laughing so hard like we cannot.
Speaker 1:There's no stopping it, Like it's just And that, when I look back on my life, like that is my favorite thing about being alive. When you can't not laugh, i mean, that's just my favorite thing, it's what's better.
Speaker 2:It's so healing, especially when you're trying to suppress laughter because you are in a church or something. It's just even funnier because you're not supposed to laugh And it's like, oh my God, I am crying so hard. And then everyone starts patting you in the back like, are you OK? I'm like I'm laughing.
Speaker 1:I feel like in a lot of ways it's energized, this show, which people won't know, but because people who know me personally know that I'm always sort of looking to find the funny. So when I, when I'm interviewing them and like most people that have been on the show are in some way connected to me friends, like they know, you know me on a personal side And there will be times where I have to like move something over top of the other person's face on zoom, because I know they know that I can't behave like and I am like we're not talking about grief And it's like I'm trying to like curate this life so we can help people And I'm just trying so hard not to like laugh And it's just like it's this weird thing. It's like is it unprofessional or is it the whole point? we're on earth, like there's just that beauty of it that I just love living in there And I just I love this Such a beautiful place to live.
Speaker 2:Because, like you said, like death and taxes, right, we're not going to ever escape grief, you know. So to invite humor to join the party is the greatest way. It doesn't mean that you're, you know you've, you're over it, you know. It doesn't mean that like, oh, i'm no longer grieving that person. It's like, no, no, no, it both can coexist, they should coexist. It's, it's just the most powerful way to heal.
Speaker 2:And that is absolutely why I invited humor into my show, because if we're going to go there and if we're going to go dark and we're going to go deep, like we're going to have fun and we're going, to laugh, you know, and and have a good time because, like the poem that I read said like you know, like, go sailing now, like, do it now, Like, if we're not going to laugh, then you know, throw on a Jimmy Buffett song and chain your point of view. But I would. That it's. It's, you know, I also think can meet like the best comedians are some people who have lived through the darkest traumas.
Speaker 1:You know this, this episode is the framework of of where I would ever want to go next is I. I love that idea of going into someone's bottom of act two or they're, you know, for the people who are not filming TV. we're doing that a lot today, but, like you know, their worst moment. And then walking me to where you found the funny, like you did today, i mean just such a beautiful way to safely go there and then pull us back out. And that's why I end every episode with the find the funny, because, no matter what we've discussed, it's like it's like that moment of going okay, but what's funny about this? And I just it seems too easy, but breathing and asking myself what's funny about this have been the two greatest resilience tools that I've used again and again try, tested and true. you know every time, okay. So you did the show all over, you went to Edinburgh from no Edinburgh festival And then now where is it going?
Speaker 2:Now it's going off Broadway. Yes, which was my goal, and it's being presented, thank you. It's being presented by the Soho Playhouse, which is in Soho, and and previews will begin July 19th. It opens July 26th, then it will close on August 20, something ninth maybe.
Speaker 1:Well, I love that. I mean I just, I'm so glad that it's getting rewarded in this way. and on your journey, where can people follow the journey? Where can they find you?
Speaker 2:Well, i have a website which is lightweight showcom, and then I'm most. My most active social media would be on Instagram, which is lightweight underscore show.
Speaker 1:Are you doing a run through here before you go?
Speaker 2:I'm not.
Speaker 1:Typically, i do put it up in LA one more time before hitting the road with it, but I just don't have the capacity or the time It's like you did it like an island the next morning, or like it's like I keep missing this like, but I have to find out, oh. I know, maybe I have to go to New York. Gosh, i would love that. But even, yeah, even when I was in London and you were in Scotland, like it's just like so close, just need to get there.
Speaker 2:Life keeps life thing, you know It does.
Speaker 1:It keeps the thing And I thank you so much for coming today And I just I appreciate you so much. And as the music starts to play us out, what's one word for how you're feeling, I'll go first so you can have the last word, and I'm going to say giddy.
Speaker 2:I was going to say giddy too. I'm not joking, Edison.
Speaker 1:I believe you, i believe you. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Well, grief club. that's the show. If you enjoyed it, please let us know by liking and leaving review. This will help as many people who may need what we're talking about find it the fastest. Remember to honor the journey And when that gets tough, find the funny.
